Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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