Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
