i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
