i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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