There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize