I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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