Non-Jews are for practice
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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