I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
