pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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