are you so shy because you have an std?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
