does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
