I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
