Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
