spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm really busy with my period
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