Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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