I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
