piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
