I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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