I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Brb crying the tears of my youth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
