She's JV to your varsity
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
