end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
