Nicole vs. Life
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
