I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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