It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
