Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
