there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
