He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
