only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
