My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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