she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
