she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
