On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
