? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
