im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize