I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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