No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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