The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
