did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize