hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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