you would pick up someone in the library
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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