She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
