he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize