The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
