His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
