You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
vagina is talking i cant
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
