Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drake has all the answers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
