Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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