I think I am morally bankrupt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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