is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize