The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
