jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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