yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
