I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
