you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
