Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
