It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Pants are for mortals
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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