i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
