Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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