I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
