Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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