I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
